The electronic crystal ball has shown me two words: "I'm unified". I see a wedding ceremony. I see the groom, but where is the bride? There is none. The future becomes clear.

Spurred on by the gay marriages performed recently in San Francisco, the City's schizophrenic population will demand the right to marriages between their various personalities. Local psychologists will weigh in in support of allowing split personality marriages on the theory that if personalities are allowed to marry, they will either become unified, curing the individual, or one or the other will eventually move out. The City will immediately begin issuing marriage licenses to people with split personalities, and 30 or so marriages will be performed before the California Supreme Court orders a halt to the practice to give it time to consider whether each of a schizophrenic's personalities has the right to equal protection under the law.

Debate will begin in the state and federal legislatures over whether self-married individuals may file joint tax returns, and whether each personality will get an exemption. Others will begin to explore split personality adoption, property rights, and other related legal issues.

Can this future be avoided? In any other city, yes, but not in San Francisco.