The electronic crystal ball has shown me two words: "infernal geologist". I see nothing. It shows me two more: "enormous Calvin". I see a Christian church, a political leader, and something difficult to make out. The lines become more distinct. It's a comic strip character. The future becomes clear.

A contest will be held to determine who is the best-known "Calvin" in the history of the world. The three final candidates will be religious reformer John Calvin, former US president Calvin Coolidge, and the comic strip namesake of Calvin and Hobbes (himself named after John Calvin). Calvin Klein will narrowly miss the finals because too many people will think he's a fictional character from Back to the Future.

For John and Coolidge, the race will be for reelection--the one having been elected president, and the other having been elected for salvation.

Backers of each of the three will promote them using billboards with enormous likenesses of their candidate for biggest Calvin. Ultimately, the comic strip character will win because, in the words of one of the seven voters in the whole world who realized why they voted as they did, "his picture is simpler, so it's a lot easier to recognize him on a billboard from a distance."

Can this future be avoided? Yes. The tide of the election could be turned in one of two ways: with a multi-billion dollar television marketing campaign to convince people that Calvin Coolidge is the man in the moon, or by changing the contest to a search for the most famous Hobbes in the history of the world.